It's my first time...

in a very long time that the mere thought of typing out details of my life on the net is enticing me.

Here I go. I do this when I'm not settled, because when I'm not settled, I'm alone. By alone I mean that the kids are gone to dreamland and I don't have a partner to share an episode of some bait we call a televised program with. Blogging seems like the obvious counterpart to sitting around, waiting for mother nature to radiate lovely sunshine on my life cause that ain't gonna happen anytime soon! ;-)

It's time I make this life what I want to make of it. This life needs to be about me and these two little humans that admire everything I say and/or do every minute they are with me. Right now, I'm in 'survival mode' and 'survival mode' is the best weapon to fight submission. These girls need a strong role-model, one that believes positivity brings desires to reality.

I hope this blog can help people like me discover they are not alone with their mental illness. Typing that out was huge for me. I have never once put forth to anyone but my closest family that I indeed have a mental illness. Unfortunately a physical illness is accepted in this society, and mental illness is not...what is the difference between body and mind? We are sick and we need treatment and once we have treatment, we have life.

I have loved life, I have tried to end my life...the cycle spins. My goal is to love life always but it's not realistic. My illness delegates when I can be strong and when I will surrender to depression. I haven't found an answer yet, whether it be a medication or an alternative method. If there is significant stress, I will easily collapse. Admitting that this is OK and that I'm not alone is the right thing to do. I can breathe knowing that there is a reason why I feel these intense emotions and think these thoughts that frighten me at times. I am not alone, there are other people with powerful emotions out there who are also terrified by them.

I want to learn and to learn, I need to talk.