the one where I can cry at any moment. I am over-tired. Two late nights in a row. I just watched a depressing movie, a teen kills herself. Ironically, the 4 main characters all had serious issues they were dealing with but were seeing a counsellor. The teen who died? Well, she was the one who didn't stand out. The nice, quiet girl that nobody noticed. She felt alone and that nobody cared.
I spoke to Nick today and I'm terribly confused. I saw him online, on msn and I said 'hello.' We chatted nicely about weather and cats for a couple of moments but it didn't last long. We are both hurt and scared and it shows. I rummaged through some old photos and videos which of course bring on the nostalgia. We used to be so happy. We laughed, danced, cooked and sometimes just acted like a couple of children when we were together. We longed to see each other from trip to trip and I'll never forget that feeling the weeks leading up to the next meet. I miss him today.
My mortgage comes out tomorrow and I haven't any money to pay it. I am supposed to start work but I have an appointment in the morning which will make me late. I am out of my meds and the pharmacy was closed when I went to pick them up.
I am full-on in tears now. Letting it go.
This is why I fear the good days...because I am far too aware of what follows closely behind.
Update: I am feeling better. I am editing photos which seems to make everything good again.
ReplyDeleteWill sleep early...zzzzzzzzzz